


The Accident

by BloodInTheFields



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Mentions of Hook and Hood but nothing romantic really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheFields/pseuds/BloodInTheFields
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no pain. It was an accident. Their lives are shattered. WARNING: Major character death. Eventual SwanQueen. Probably going to become M-rated at some point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters, etc.

A car accident.

A car accident, of all things.

A stupid car accident.

Oh, the irony. She has wronged many people over the years. She has killed. She has destroyed families. She has done so many bad deeds that she would not have been surprised that someone would want to take their revenge. She almost would have preferred it this way.

But no.

It was a car accident. A hit-and-run.

And now, her son, her baby boy is lying on a cold table in the morgue of Storybrooke’s hospital. He will not wake up, not this time. The medical examiner won’t let her see him. She yells in anger, screams in agony, cries so much that she can’t see anything, can’t hear anyone, can barely breathe. The doctor is firm: she is not allowed to see him for now. She knows what they will not tell her. It must be bad. The impact of the car killed him instantly. There was no pain, the medical examiner said. 

There was no pain. There was no pain. 

And her little prince probably looks a mess. Disfigured by the sheer force of the impact. Broken bones, perhaps missing limbs. Not a pretty sight.

Regina doesn’t know how long she remains seated on the floor, in a hallway of the hospital, unable to move. She’s completely unaware of the people around her. The world has stopped spinning.

She is lost. She is alone.

And she will likely never live again.

__

They sedate her. She is hysterical when she barges into the hospital, demanding to see her son. She punches a nurse and doesn’t even feel any pain in her hand. She grabs Whale by his collar and shouts in his face. She wants to see her son. She needs to see him.

It’s too late, they tell her. Her son is gone.

He is never coming back. Not this time.

But she refuses to believe them. The kid is a fighter, he is her son, and he is strong.

They say it was a car accident. The driver didn’t stop. It doesn’t matter what it was. It doesn’t matter. She just needs to see him, hold his hand, tell him everything will be alright.

She is told that it is not possible for her to see her kid. There is nothing she can do; True Love’s Kiss will not bring him back.

Emma loses control and she lashes out, at everyone, at everything. Her screams are interwoven with pleas and tears, and it takes four grown-up men to restrain her long enough for a nurse to give her a sedative.

They lay her down on a bed and call her parents. She feels drowsy but the ache in her heart prevents her from falling asleep. She wonders if she will ever be able to fall asleep again.

Her baby is gone.

She feels nothing but pain. She is a prisoner in her own body. She knows this pain will never go away. 

She hurts. She drifts away.

And she will likely never live again.


	2. Chapter 2

Snow and Charming find her sitting in the same spot she’s been since she was told that she could not see her little prince. Their presence registers in her brain but she doesn’t acknowledge them. Her eyes are dead, staring into the space before her but not seeing anything.

Before her eyes, flashes of her life with Henry. His smiles. All of them, all different but showing the same love for her. Her baby boy. 

She can’t cry anymore.

Snow and Charming sit with her on the floor. She barely notices that Charming takes her right hand in his and that Snow clutches her left arm, her head leaned on Regina’s shoulder. She lets them.

There is no strength left in her. She is as good as dead.

She is dead inside.

Without him, there is no life. There is no point in living any longer.

Henry was her everything.

And now she’s left with nothing.

__

It could be minutes or it could be hours, she doesn’t know. The sedative was not strong enough to knock her out but she can’t move her limbs. She is paralyzed by medicine, and crippled by emotional pain.

She is in shock.

Her mind keeps replaying the doctors’ words about her son.

Her eyes are long dry. It hurts to cry.

Her parents are lying on her bed with her, soothing her but unable to keep their own tears from falling. She doesn’t look at them. She stares at the ceiling instead. 

She is numb.

The burn in her throat from all the shouting and crying barely registers. Nothing matters.

He mattered. She was supposed to protect him.

He was her son and now he’s gone.

She has people who love her and will support her, but right now it means nothing.

Now she’s left with nothing.

__

The next thing that registers is a sound that Regina doesn’t immediately recognize until it stops right in front of her. It’s Rumplestiltskin’s cane. She doesn’t lift her head to look at him but Snow and Charming get up and speak to him in hushed tones.

After a minute, Gold disappears and Snow crouches down next to Regina. She tells her that she will be able to see Henry in a moment, if she wants to.

Regina wants to scream. She does not want to see her son lying dead on a table. But she has to. She needs to be with him, even if he’s no longer here.

She simply nods once, to let Snow know that she heard her. She doesn’t ask about Emma. She supposes that the blonde is in a similar state of distress, possibly sedated since her parents are with the Evil Queen instead of with their precious daughter.

Regina thinks about what is going to happen next. She will get up and go see her son. What comes after that, she doesn’t know.

__

Emma does not think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this story takes place basically 2 years after 4A. There's a temporal indication in this chapter, regarding Neal's death.

When Emma emerges from the darkness, the memory of the previous day—was it even a day?—comes back to her and she feels the tears streaming down her face before she even realizes she’s crying. Slowly, she sits up in her hospital bed and wipes the tears angrily.

As soon as her feet touch the floor, a nurse enters the room and tells her to wait a second; that she will show her to her son.

Emma wonders what happened while she was out. Hours ago they would not let her see Henry and now they are offering to bring her to him?

When the nurse comes back with a wheelchair, Emma shakes her head no but it’s not a request from the other woman. Reluctantly, she lets herself be wheeled down to the morgue.

The morgue.

The bile rises in her throat and she throws up in the hallway. The nurse doesn’t say a word. They simply stop while she goes to get her some water and fetch someone to clean up her vomit. Emma doesn’t even have the strength to feel bad about it.

They take the elevator and the doors open on another hallway, much colder. Emma shivers despite her clothes. Then the nurse pushes the wheelchair around a corner, and there they are.

Her parents and Gold. 

They’re standing in front of a window that lets them see into the morgue. Charming has his arms around Snow and his face is buried in her hair. Her mother’s back is shaking and she’s hiding her sobs in her husband’s chest. Gold is leaning on his cane and when Emma is close enough and he looks at her, she can see that his eyes are red. He looks miserable.

She thinks of Neal. Gold, too, lost his son a couple of years ago only. Now his grandson is dead as well. The man must be cursed.

Her parents turn toward her when they realize that she’s here. The nurse tells her to take as much time as she needs before she leaves.

Emma’s head turn to the window. From where she’s sitting, she can only see a bit of Regina’s profile and she swallows back a sob. Taking a deep breath, the blonde stands up on shaky legs. Her father’s hands immediately steady her, and after a bit, she pushes him away.

They tell her that Regina has been in here for the past two hours, unmoving. They haven’t dared to come any closer.

Emma nods and takes a step toward the door. 

It has to be the hardest thing she has ever had to do. 

Even giving Henry up in the first place did not hurt that much. At least he was alive.

So she takes another deep breath, pushes a button, and the door slides open.

__

Regina’s eyes are fixed on Henry’s peaceful face, Emma notices. It’s like the other woman hasn’t even heard her. Carefully, she sits on the other side of the bed and waits for Regina to break the silence. She doesn’t want to disturb her.

Emma studies Henry’s face. He is pale, so very pale. Delicately, she takes his small hand in hers. It is cold, so very cold. She suppresses a shiver.

He looks like he is asleep and, for a moment, she forgets that this is a sleep he will never wake from. He is her son. She gave birth to him. He is not supposed to be in a morgue.

He was never supposed to die before her. 

Emma brings his hand to her lips and she presses a long kiss against his knuckles. Her eyes close and she wishes she could forget where they are but the smell of antiseptics makes it impossible.

She really is here.

After a while, she turns her head slightly and takes a look at Regina. The older woman hasn’t moved; her body stiff and still.

Emma wonders what she is thinking.

__

Regina doesn’t think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now's probably the right time to mention that Hook and Hood will both appear in this story, though they are honestly not important. Robin's not a love interest to Regina as this takes place roughly two years after 4A.

“Gold fixed him.”

Emma’s head snaps toward her, surprised to hear her speak and confused by what she just said. Regina’s voice is scratchy after being unused for so long but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t look at the Savior.

The Savior has failed.

Regina knows it’s unfair to Emma but she simply cannot look at her; afraid of what it will make her feel.

“He let himself in here and he—he fixed him,” Regina repeats.

Her hands are still clasping her son’s right one and her grip gets tighter. Her son’s face is devoid of any crease or frown; it’s pale but beautiful. Henry is beautiful and Regina would give anything to see his hazel eyes open and his bright smile directed at her. 

She reaches out and lets her fingertips brush his cheek. A few seconds later, Emma grabs her hand gently and holds it in hers. Regina finally looks at her and she almost startles.

Emma’s eyes reflect nothing. They are dark, darker than Regina has ever seen them. It changes her whole face. She was wrong. This is not the Savior, in this room with her.

There is no Savior anymore.

This is only Emma. Henry’s other mother.

And she looks just as broken as Regina.

__

They sit around Henry on the bed—the thought crosses Regina’s mind that Rumple must have conjured up a bed instead of the cold metal table of the morgue—and they remain silent for a long while after Regina’s words.

What is there to say?

What can they possibly say to make this better?

Regina knows that the despair that has taken possession of her is shared by Emma. There are so many conflicting emotions living within her at the moment that she does nothing, says nothing. She wants to lash out at Emma, but she also wants to cry in her arms.

So she keeps quiet.

They hold hands for over an hour, until the medical examiner comes in and very gently tells them that Henry has to be moved and taken care of.

The man knows better than to tell them to go home and get some rest. He waits patiently with them, until Emma leans in and kisses Henry’s forehead; and all Regina can do is watch as the blonde’s tears fall on their son’s cheeks.

“I love you, Henry,” Emma whispers, and it reminds Regina of that fateful day when the Savior broke the Dark Curse.

Only this time, there is no waking up.

__

Regina disappears in a cloud of purple smoke, leaving Emma behind to deal with her parents and Gold. The blonde doesn’t want to see any of them. She doesn’t want company. Her grief is something that she must face alone, just like she has faced everything else in her life.

With Henry, she would have made an exception. She would have let him in, she would have confided in him. He was her flesh and blood.

Emma doesn’t have it in her to fight or to scream anymore. She’s tired. She needs to be alone. She needs to sleep, to escape in a world where he is here, with her, telling her about fairytales and Evil Queens.

She doesn’t even realize that she has teleported for the very first time before she collapses onto a bed of the B&B. Her eyes close and she sighs deeply, hoping that the nightmares will leave her in peace, at least for one night.

She thinks of Tallahassee. Henry would have loved it there. Maybe she’ll leave Storybrooke behind. Maybe she’ll leave everything behind. Neal wanted her to find Tallahassee. She thinks maybe she will.

But for now, she lets the numbness take over.

There is no Savior anymore.

Henry is gone.

The Savior has been defeated.

__

Regina reappears in the secret room in her vault and she walks shakily toward the sofa to sit. Her legs obviously won’t support her now. 

What now?

She will have to plan the funeral for her baby. The thought brings fresh tears to her eyes. How long can she go on before exhaustion makes her collapse?

She couldn’t even say goodbye to him. He died and she wasn’t there. She promised him she would never let him go again and she couldn’t even keep that promise. 

Slowly, Regina takes off her heels and lies down on the couch. Her head is spinning and her vision is blurry.

Henry. Henry. Henry.

She can’t think about anything else. She is paralyzed with anguish and sadness and grief.

Why would fate be so cruel to her? What was the point of all her attempts to redeem herself if she could not even have her son? Who would look at her with love and pride now that her little prince was gone?

Regina thinks of leaving. Storybrooke without Henry will never bring her any happiness. Everywhere, she will see him. Everywhere, she will remember him.

Who is Regina without Henry? She wonders. And wonders. And wonders.

Sleep finally claims her.

There is no Evil Queen anymore.

Henry is gone.

The Evil Queen has been defeated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback, by the way. It's great.

When she opens her eyes, it’s still dark outside. A quick glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand at the B&B tells Emma that it’s barely five in the morning. She sits up groggily, her head heavy from all the crying. She rubs her eyes slowly and takes a deep, shaky breath. 

Her body aches as she stretches and she winces. She needs a shower.

Sighing as she knows that that means going back to the apartment, Emma gets up and leaves the room. Hopefully her parents will still be asleep, if they managed to get any sleep at all.

Her walk to her parents’ flat is a blur; Emma doesn’t think about anything, her mind is void of any thoughts.

Her heart is aching in her chest. She thinks she will have to get used to it.

Other than that, she feels nothing and that, perhaps, is the scariest thing.

__

Across town, Regina slowly comes to after a few hours of fitful sleep. Her night has been plagued with nightmares as she had expected. 

She needs to keep busy, she thinks as she makes her way out of the secret room. Anything to keep her from losing her mind, from enacting another curse.

Her pace is brisk as she walks through the cemetery without looking back. Today she will plan Henry’s funeral. One last time, she will give her little prince the best because he deserves no less.

She walks faster and shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat.

Her heart is aching in her chest. She thinks she will have to get used to it.

Other than that, she feels nothing and that, perhaps, is the scariest thing.

__

She endures her parents’ words of condolences and support and love. She has to remind herself that they have just lost their grandson, that Henry meant a lot to them, too. But their kindness is suffocative. She needs air, and so Emma changes into shorts and a tank top even though it’s the middle of November in Maine, and she grabs a pair of running shoes before slamming the door. It doesn’t matter that she just took a shower.

Running, she can do. It’s what she’s done her entire life. It’s what she’s good at. She’s used to it.

Running helps her clear her mind, it’s her thing.

So she runs.

Faster, faster, faster.

Maybe one day, she hopes, she’ll outrun her demons.

__

Regina stands still on the porch of 108 Mifflin Street. Her eyes bore a hole in the door but she can’t seem to step forward to open it. Behind this door are fourteen years—well, thirteen really—of her and Henry’s life. He is everywhere in this house.

She closes her eyes and exhales slowly.

What can she do if home doesn’t even feel like home anymore?

She turns around. She can’t be here right now. She’s not ready.

So she walks away. With a twirl of her hand, she changes into more comfortable clothes and a pair of sneakers. She’ll take a long walk through Storybrooke’s woods and then go straight to the shower and hopefully get some rest.

But first she has to exhaust herself, so Regina does something she hasn’t done in a long time:

She starts running.

She runs.

Faster, faster, faster.

Maybe one day, she hopes, she’ll outrun her demons.

__

The woods are eerily silent under the grey sky of November. Emma doesn’t hear a single bird singing, as if they, too, were mourning the little boy who passed away long before his time. There is no ruffle in the bushes, no wind blowing in the trees, no leaves falling. It’s as if time has frozen. 

She stops running then, out of breath, and puts her hands on her knees as she takes a deep breath. 

She sees her the moment she straightens up.

Regina is standing a few feet away from her, staring at her with wide brown eyes.

“Regina?” Emma asks tentatively.  
“I saw him.”  
“What?”

The brunette walks briskly toward Emma and grabs her arm forcefully.

“Henry! I saw him. I was running and I—I saw him!”  
“Regina…”  
“It was him! It was him, I saw him, I…”

Suddenly, she breaks down in sobs. Emma reacts instinctively and puts her arms around Regina’s trembling frame. It’s the first time they actually hug, and it should be weird but right now it’s the only thing that makes sense. Emma holds her tighter as Regina clutches at her arms.

“It was Henry, I saw him,” she cries. “My son. My baby.”

Emma’s heart breaks all over again. Tears fall from her eyes. Regina’s distress is gut-wrenching. Emma has never seen the other woman—usually so regal—so upset.

Carefully, she lowers herself to the ground, bringing Regina down with her. Her arms never let go of the older woman as the brunette buries her face in Emma’s shoulder.

Together, they cry.


	6. Chapter 6

It takes Regina a good five minutes to calm down. Her cries turn to sobs, then to pained whimpers. Finally, she pulls away from Emma, who is sitting against a tree trunk and still holding her. Perhaps she should feel ashamed for breaking down in the Savior’s—Emma’s—arms but she can’t bring herself to care. Emma leaves her right arm over Regina’s shoulders and the brunette does not want to push her away. The physical comfort is one thing that she craves right now.

“It wasn’t really him, was it?”

Her voice is scratchy from all the crying. Emma does not answer for a long time.

“I had a friend when I was fifteen who died in front of my eyes. He was gunned down at a local store. Robbery gone wrong. It took me months to stop seeing him at every corner of the streets,” she says quietly after a while.

Regina wipes the remaining tears from her eyes but she makes no move to stand, even though the ground is cold and damp. Against her, Emma shivers.

In a whirl of smoke, Regina takes them back to her vault.

__

Emma sits quietly on the sofa with a cup of coffee in her hand. Regina stands, facing the mirror, her back to the blonde.

“I never thanked you. I should have said thank you.”  
“What?” Regina asks as she’s pulled out of her own thoughts by Emma’s voice.  
“When we came back to Storybrooke to fight Zelena, I—I should have told you how much it meant to me, what you had done.”  
“Emma…” she starts as she joins the other woman on the sofa.  
“Thanks to what you did, I know what it would have been like to raise him. What it could have been. And, in a way, it makes my heart aches all the more, but I’d never want these memories gone now. Real or not, it doesn’t matter. For a year I lived with him, I raised him, and it was the most wonderful thing I’ve done in my entire life. So, thank you. It’s long overdue.”

Regina says nothing. This year without Henry had been terrible for her. Her only comfort had come from the knowledge that Emma was with him and that they had a good life together. Otherwise, she had been in pain all the time without her son.

Emma looks at her now, and her eyes show much more vulnerability than they ever have before. Regina, purely by instinct, takes the mug out of Emma’s hands, put it on the table and then scoots closer to the other woman.

“I’m glad that you had this time with him. I’m glad that I could at least do that for you. You don’t have to thank me, Emma. You don’t owe me anything. You never did.”

There is the hint of a smile on Emma’s face, but it looks more pained than anything else and Regina averts her eyes.

“What now? What do we do, Emma?”  
“I don’t know. We… We say goodbye, one last time.”  
“How? How can we say goodbye to our son? He was only fourteen! He was never—never—“

Regina’s hands turn into fists and she gets up angrily. Emma follows her immediately and shyly touches her shoulder.

“Regina… I know. I know.”  
“He was not supposed to die before me! He had his whole life ahead of—oh, make it stop, Emma. Please make it stop,” Regina cries again as she turns to face the blonde.

There is despair on her face and even a glint in her eyes that makes Emma shiver. She knows this look; she’s seen it before and not in pleasant circumstances. The woman falling apart in front of her looks less and less like Regina and more like her evil alter-ego, the Queen.

Regina’s emotions are apparently volatile, Emma thinks. One minute the woman appears to be calm, and the next she seems ready to curse Storybrooke to Mars. Slowly, the Savior takes Regina’s fists in her hands and holds them.

“Stay with me here, okay? Please. For him.”

And it’s so strange, really, that Emma has to be the one to keep Regina from falling off the deep end. Because Emma is just as broken as Regina is; her heart is burning too and she can barely hold herself together but somehow it works. For a reason unknown to both, Regina calms down when Emma brings up Henry.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, ashamed of her outburst.  
“No reason to be,” Emma replies with a steady voice that does not match her inner feelings.  
“Will you—will you come home with me today? I can’t—I don’t think I can face it alone.”  
“Of course.”

Another minute of Emma silently holding Regina’s hands, and the brunette transports them to Mifflin Street.

__

They stand in front of the house next to each other. Emma doesn’t have nearly as many memories as Regina does but she still feels the presence of her son everywhere in the air. She swallows hard and takes a small step forward, then another. Regina stands rooted in the same spot when Emma looks back to her. The blonde waits patiently but the brunette shows no intention of moving.

Emma extends her hand.

Regina takes it without thinking.

Together, they walk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that the story takes place roughly two years after 4A.

Regina finds enough strength to push the entrance door open and she inhales sharply. Emma stands on her left and squeezes her hand. Tentatively, the former Queen takes a step forward and Emma follows immediately. The house is silent and it’s still very early. The clock on the side tells them that it’s barely eight. 

Emma’s eyes are fixed on Regina’s face while the brunette’s sweep over the foyer and the staircase.

“Come on,” the blonde says gently as she tugs lightly on Regina’s hand. “I’ll get us some water.”

Regina follows obediently but her grip on Emma’s hand has tightened the moment she closed the door behind them. She’s not sure why Emma doesn’t seem all that affected. Is it an act, or is the blonde really not hurting as much as she is?

“Sit,” Emma speaks again.

Her fingers let go of Emma’s and she puts her palms flat against the cold surface of the table as she sits on one of the stools at the counter. 

“Emma.”  
“Yeah?”  
“I have some apple cider in the study. Would you go get it for me, please?”

Emma looks at her with narrowed eyes for a moment; clearly trying to figure out why she suddenly speaks in such a controlled, emotionless tone. 

“Regina, maybe we shouldn’t drink…”  
“Please.”

Maybe Emma would have insisted, a few days ago. Maybe she would have stood her ground and told Regina to get it herself if she wanted it. However, now is different, so she brushes it off and leaves Regina alone in the kitchen.

__

Emma has been in the study before. She knows which room it is, and she knows how to get there. What she doesn’t expect is to be confronted to a photo of Henry on her way there. It stops her dead in her tracks. Slowly, she approaches the framed picture that stands on a small wooden table and she takes it in her hands. 

Her son looks so young here. He was probably around seven. Delicately, her index traces the outline of his jaw. Who would have known that he’d be living for another seven years before being tragically taken away? 

His smile is so bright on this picture, and not for the first time, Emma silently thanks destiny for Regina. She has been good to Henry. She has offered him what Emma could never have. She has loved him unconditionally and raised him as her own. Until Henry’s obsession with fairytales, he and his adoptive mother had been happy together.  
A drop of water splashes on the glass protecting the photo, just under Henry’s face. Emma wipes it away, only now realizing that she is crying silently.

“So it does affect you, too.”

Emma startles as Regina’s voice breaks the silence. She spins around and faces the older woman who is leaning against the wall.

“What do you mean?”  
“I didn’t understand how you could look so composed, knowing where we are and who we’ve lost.”  
“What? You—you think I look composed? Regina, I am dying inside! But you needed someone to be strong enough for you and I want us to be there for each other because I need…”

Regina closes the distance between them and takes the photo from her former nemesis’ hands. She looks at it thoughtfully and, just like Emma, strokes Henry’s cheek with her thumb.

“What do you need,” she asks softly.  
“You.”

Their eyes meet. 

There is an understanding between them. Two mothers sharing the same pain, mourning the loss of the same person. If Regina had a fleeting moment of doubt, it is gone now, as she looks deeply into Emma’s green eyes.

“Okay.”  
“Okay?”

Regina nods once.

“We have to organize his funeral. Do you think your parents could help?”   
“Uh, yes. Of course. I can call them a bit later.”  
“Thank you. Now, come. Let’s find this apple cider.”

__

Regina has never been one for day-drinking but there’s a first time for everything, it seems. Emma is sitting next to her on the carpet in front of the chimney. Their backs are resting against the sofa, and for a moment, Regina remembers a time when she had been on a date with Robin Hood. Now it seems like a lifetime ago. In reality it has only been two years but this had been their first and last date before Emma had brought Robin’s wife back from her trip to the past.

She had been angry at Emma, for ruining her second chance at love and for not listening to her when Regina kept telling her that messing with magic was dangerous. She had refused to listen to Emma’s apologies and had isolated herself in her house. The only person she had accepted to see was her son, Henry. He had convinced her to help the town with their newest crisis—the Snow Queen herself—and he had stayed by her side until she had decided it was okay to step outside again.

Robin and Marian are still living in Storybrooke with their son. It’s not as if there is any alternative. She crosses path with them occasionally. Things are still a bit awkward, but they are not strained anymore. They simply don’t talk much and try to avoid each other as much as possible.

“Regina?”  
“Hmm?”  
“You… totally spaced out.”  
“I apologize. I was remembering.”  
“Oh.”

Emma finishes her drink and puts her glass on the floor.

“My parents should be here any minute now. Do you want to do this here or maybe we could find a… a more neutral place?”  
“We’re already here. We might as well stay.”  
“Okay.”

The fire in the chimney crackles and Emma redirects her gaze on it. The warmth from the flames does not make her feel any better, though she supposes that it’s still better than the cold outside.

“He won’t be in my vault,” Regina declares all of a sudden.  
“What?”  
“Henry. He’s a Mills, but I don’t want him in my vault. I don’t want him anywhere near magic. He’s innocent, pure, untouched by all of this darkness. I want him away from it.”  
“Okay then.”  
“We’ll have another built for him. I will preserve his body as I did for my parents and—and Daniel, before I had to… send him away.”  
“Okay,” Emma agrees again.

The doorbell rings a minute later and it echoes in the house. Regina has never found it sinister until now. Sighing deeply, she gets up, picks up her glass and motions for Emma to follow her.

__

Behind the door, Charming is holding Snow tightly against her, and their eyes are tired and red. They’ve obviously been crying recently, maybe on their way to the mansion. Regina quietly gestures for them to come in and she closes the door behind them.

“Well. Let’s do this, shall we?”

She leads them to the kitchen and pours everyone a cup of coffee while they settle around the kitchen island. Once they’re all sitting down—Emma next to Regina, facing her parents—no one speaks for a long time.

Then, hesitantly, tentatively, Charming extends his hand and gently takes Regina’s, which makes the brunette raise her head and meet his gaze. His eyes, usually so brightly blue, show a deep sadness that she knows must be reflected ten times in her own.

“I’m sorry. I would do anything to bring him back. I would trade my life for his.”  
“We both would,” Snow adds in a small voice.

Regina wants to lash out, to yell at them for being idiots because she would give her life for his if she could, she would die for him, she would do anything to bring him back and really, what do they think they’re doing by saying this?

Emma seems to sense the struggle within her and she places her own hand on Regina’s back and starts doing some soothing motions.

Have they developed a new connection through their grief? Regina doesn’t know, and maybe she should question this, this power that Emma has on her. She doesn’t. It’s enough to help her clear her thoughts, and with a squeeze to Charming’s hand, she says:

“Thank you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #JeSuisCharlie

It takes them two hours to decide on everything. Regina does most of the talking and Emma always approves, as if she has no personal opinion on the matter. It irks Regina but she keeps it to herself. David and Snow offer to take care of the death announcement in the newspaper once they agree on the date of the funeral.

“Two days from today,” Regina says almost immediately.

Once everything is settled, the couple leaves but Emma insists to stay behind. Her parents know better than to argue. They might want to be with her right now but Emma seems to need Regina more than them at the moment so they take off without another word. Charming’s hand squeezes Regina’s shoulder lightly on his way out; a gesture of silent support again.

After the door closes, Regina turns to lean against it. Her eyes fall on Emma, standing in front of her. They don’t speak. Organizing their son’s funeral has taken a lot of their energy and they are both emotionally drained. The blonde looks at the floor and her hands clench and unclench; a clear sign that she is upset. Regina watches, hypnotized. 

From the way the blonde holds her head, Regina can’t see her eyes, but she doesn’t miss the drop of water that crashes onto the floor. Emma has to be crying. This is what finally makes Regina react. Slowly, she takes a step forward, then another.

“Emma?” She asks as if she is afraid that the other woman is going to run away.  
“I didn’t… I didn’t want to cry in front of them, but…”

Her voice breaks and she brings a fist to her mouth as her body starts to shake. Regina freezes for a few seconds. She has seen Emma cry before but this time feels different. It’s a meltdown, in Regina’s hallway, at ten-thirty in the morning. Regina has been the one needing Emma’s support so far. Emma has been the one to offer comfort, but the tables have turned now and the former Evil Queen is not sure how to react.

“Emma…”

Emma is still shaking and her legs look like they are not going to hold her up for much longer. Discussing Henry’s funeral has given Regina some semblance of control on the situation. Planning things, she knows how to do. It stabilized her emotions. But Emma is unraveling and showing vulnerability that Regina doesn’t quite know how to deal with.

The blonde makes the decision for her. She closes the distance between them and lets her forehead fall onto Regina’s left shoulder. The fist pressed against her mouth lowers to grip Regina’s shirt instead.

“Can’t you take the pain away?”  
“I…”  
“Just take it away, please.”  
“Emma…”

Regina’s arms come around Emma’s waist and she pulls the other woman to her, her own chin resting on Emma’s shoulder now.

“You can let go, now. It’s just me. It’s only me.”

She encourages the younger woman to cry because Emma needs to get it out of her system now. They lean against each other, and Emma’s grip on her is tight to the point that it’s almost painful but Regina does not say a word. Surprisingly, she doesn’t cry. She’s too exhausted for this. So she simply holds Emma until the blonde gets her emotions under control once again. Absentmindedly, she starts to draw random patterns on Emma’s back to soothe her; much like Emma does with her. It takes a few minutes for the blonde the calm down but eventually, her crying stops and she pulls back slowly. Regina’s shirt is crumpled where Emma has gripped it and she tries to make it better until Regina gently takes both of her hands, which makes Emma look up.

“We need to talk,” Regina says gently.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“What? No. That’s… No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to ask you something. Come, let’s sit down. I could use a drink.”

Emma is too exhausted to ask more questions, so she follows Regina into the study where she keeps her strongest alcohol. The brunette smiles sadly as she remembers that this was the one room Henry was not allowed to enter because it was the place where she worked and she didn’t want him to touch anything in here. It was also the reason why she kept the alcohol in here; so that Henry wouldn’t have access to it. Her son had always respected that rule. Now, she thinks bitterly, he’ll never even have the opportunity to taste a good wine or even the apple cider that she made herself.

“What did you want to talk about?” Emma asks, effectively pulling her out of her thoughts.  
“Why did you not say anything, back in the kitchen?” Regina replies as she hands Emma a glass of bourbon.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean…” She trails off and sits beside Emma on the sofa. “Henry is… was our son and I thought you’d want to actively participate in the planning of… you know. But, you didn’t. You just agreed with everything I said.”  
“Because you’re good at planning. And because I didn’t see any reason to disagree with you.”  
“From the flowers, to the music, you’re telling me that you don’t have an opinion on any of it?”

Emma looks down to the glass she’s holding and sighs.

“It’s just… Henry and I, we never really discussed flowers, you know? You knew right away what his favorite flowers were and I didn’t. I just didn’t know him as well as you did.”  
“Oh Emma…”  
“Which is fine, I mean, you raised him, right? So of course you know things about him that I don’t,” the blonde continues as if she hasn’t heard Regina.  
“Don’t be like that. You knew him. You understood him sometimes better than I could. He confided in you things he would never have told me. You were his mother just as much as I was.”

This last sentence finally makes Emma look at Regina. They had gotten better at co-parenting Henry over the last couple of years but this was the confirmation that Emma has always hoped to hear from Regina one day. She offers her first real smile since the horrible news of her son’s death and Regina smiles back. She feels a little less cold.

“Thank you. Thank you for saying this.”  
“Now, is there anything you would like to change?”  
“No. Maybe… I was thinking maybe we could…”

She trails off and swallows hard.

“We could bury him next to Neal. I know you didn’t like him but he was still Henry’s father, technically, and—“  
“It’s alright, Emma. You don’t have to justify this. I understand, and you’re right. I think Henry would like that. I’ll see if I can have a vault built next to Neal’s grave.”  
“It doesn’t have to be a big one. Just enough space for… for the three of us.”

There is a short silence and both women empty their glasses at once.

“The three of us it will be, then.”

__

Emma leaves shortly after their shared drink and conversation. She tells Regina that she’ll be back the next day and then she takes off, leaving the older woman alone in her mansion. As soon as the door closes behind the blonde, Regina sighs and leans against it. What is she supposed to do now?

Write a speech, she thinks.

Henry deserves to have his mother speak about him. He deserves to be remembered and the town needs to know what an amazing young boy he was. It doesn’t matter if it breaks her heart even more. Henry will have a speech given by his mother, if it is the last thing she does.

__

Regina barely sleeps that night, and she straight up refuses to stay in the mansion alone to get some rest. She only teleports herself back into her bathroom the next morning so that she can shower, and then she hurries down to the kitchen. It’s nine o’clock, the time when Henry would usually get up during the weekends.

She sighs and pours herself a cup of coffee made the previous day. What is she supposed to do now? Thinking about Henry is too painful, but what else can she think about? 

The doorbell saves her from another breakdown. She puts her coffee on the counter and makes her way to the entrance door. She takes a deep, steadying breath before unlocking the door and opening it.

There are three people standing on her porch. Well, one person right in front of her and two others standing back.

“Robin?” Regina asks, almost inaudibly.  
“Regina, hi… I wasn’t sure you’d open the door, but we were walking in the neighborhood and…”

He looks terribly sad and Regina feels a little warmer at the sight of him. Robin might have chosen to go back to his wife and left Regina behind, but he never stopped caring about her. 

“I’m so sorry, Regina. I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine…” 

His voice breaks and his eyes are shining. Behind him, Marian waits with Roland. She looks genuinely sorrowful. Regina focuses on Robin once more and it seems like he’s waiting for her to say or do something.

“I appreciate you stopping by. But I’d rather be alone for the time being.”  
“Of course. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, okay? I…”

He trails off and looks over his shoulder at his wife who nods surreptitiously.

“I will always be here for you. If you need anything…”  
“Thank you”, Regina says, cutting him off.

He is a good man but she is not lying when she says that she can’t deal with anyone right now.

“The funeral is in two days,” she adds. “I’ll see you then.”  
“Alright,” he replies and squeezes her shoulder lightly before stepping back.

Regina offers him a feeble smile and turns her gaze to Roland, who is holding his mother’s hand. The little boy looks up at Marian, who smiles at him and nods once. Then Roland lets go of her hand and runs toward Regina. She barely has time to get on her knees before he throws himself into her arms and buries his face in her hair.

“R’gina!”

She can’t say anything because she’s pretty sure that her voice wouldn’t work at this very moment, so she just hugs the little boy tightly and closes her eyes. Tears want to escape but she refuses to let them.

“Henry is an angel now,” Roland whispers in her ear.

It makes her eyes open as she looks at the sky. The clouds are dark and menacing and yet, somehow, a single ray of sun has managed to pierce through them and shines brightly. A sob leaves her body and Regina’s eyes then catch Marian’s.

The two women look at each other, while Roland hugs Regina and strokes her hair, and Robin stands next to Marian. They may never be friends and Marian will likely never trust or forgive her but in her brown eyes, Regina reads compassion, sadness and understanding. They are both mothers. It is evident that Marian is imagining how she’d feel if she ever had to see her son die. The son that Regina is holding in her arms.

She loves Roland and she has missed being able to hug him. She’s grateful that Marian has allowed Regina this small comfort. When she looks back up, Marian’s eyes are still on her and Regina makes sure that she sees her before she mouths:

“Thank you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Emma wakes up in Regina’s bed.

 

She freezes and frowns, unable to remember how she ended up here. Then it comes back to her.

 

Today is Henry’s funeral. She spent the previous day with Regina; they drank and then Regina told her to spend the night here.

 

“You’re awake,” the brunette says, effectively startling Emma.

 

Regina is standing in the doorway and looking at her with tired eyes.

 

“Yeah,” Emma says, unsure of what to do now.

“There’s coffee downstairs. I have muffins, if you feel like eating anything.”

“Thanks,” the blonde mutters even though she knows she will not be able to stomach anything today.

“I’m going to shower and change. I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Regina, wait.”

 

The brunette turns to face Emma.

 

“What is it?”

“Did you… sleep? I mean, at all?”

“A bit. Then you started snoring and woke me up,” she adds with a hint of a smile.

“I do not snore!”

“Yes, you do.”

“Liar.”

 

Regina’s grin lets Emma know that she’s just messing with her and she exhales shakily, thankful for the small banter. The atmosphere feels slightly lighter now.

 

“I’m going to get some coffee, but then I should probably run home and get ready, too.”

“Yes. You do that. I’ll see you—“

“Do you want me to pick you up?” Emma offers before Regina can complete her sentence.

 

Silence. Then:

 

“Yes, I suppose we could go together.”

 

Emma sighs, relieved.

 

“Good. I didn’t want to go alone.”

 

__

 

Regina stands under her shower head until the water runs cold. She knows there is a bright sun outside and she wishes it could have rained. At least the rain, much like the water pouring down her face right now, would have hidden her tears.

 

She just hopes that she will be able to keep it together in front of the townspeople. She is certain that they will all be there. After three years—four, if they include the missing year—some of them are still reluctant to trust her and still believe that she should be punished. She does not blame them. After all, she took them all from their homes and wrecked their lives. Perhaps some will gloat that she is now miserable and if she finds out, Regina is not sure that she’ll be able to refrain from lashing out at them.

 

Being happy that she’s hurt is one thing, but being happy that she’s grieving her son, a child, is quite another.

 

A trembling hand turns the water off and Regina quickly dries herself with her fluffy white towel before stepping out of the bathroom. Her outfit is ready, waiting for her on the back of the chair in her bedroom.

 

Briefly, she remembers telling Zelena that black was her color.

 

Now she would give anything to not have to dress like this.

 

__

 

Of course, her parents are ready to go when Emma comes in. They are sitting at the kitchen table, obviously waiting until it’s time to go. Her little brother is nowhere in sight and Emma supposes that her parents have left him with a babysitter.

 

“Emma,” Charming starts as soon as he sees her.

“I have to take a shower and get dressed,” Emma replies before he can say anything else.

“We’ll wait for you,” Snow says in a gentle tone.

“No need, I have to go pick up Regina when I’m ready.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

 

She disappears into her room without another word. Emma is glad that Gold had agreed to make the apartment bigger with the use of magic but she really wishes that she could have her own place. Henry had insisted to stay here. He enjoyed being an uncle to Neal. He enjoyed listening to his grandfather talking about his adventures.

 

Emma forces herself to block further thoughts of Henry as she stands under the shower head, letting the water pour on her face. She doesn’t linger because she knows Regina will expect her to be back soon.

 

She is not ready to see everyone at the funeral. The whole town will be there and she really doesn’t want to see anyone. She doesn’t want to see Hook, especially. He has tried to call her a few times and left messages to offer his condolences but Emma hasn’t called him back. She can’t face him right now. She needs air, she needs space.

 

She needs time.

 

Emma opens her closet to look for suitable clothes and finds a pair of black jeans and a black sweater. She’s never really been one to wear much black, but that was before coming to Storybrooke. Things have changed, and sometimes not for the better.

 

Right now she would give anything to not have to dress like this.

 

__

 

Regina is waiting for her in front of her house. She is dressed all in black, as expected, and it makes her look way too thin in Emma’s eyes. This is not the woman she’s used to see, but then again, Emma thinks she probably looks the same.

 

The brunette opens the car door and slides in. She makes no comment about the Bug, which she usually does. Today is not one of these days. The atmosphere is heavy and Emma doesn’t really know what to say. She drives away.

 

“Thank you for picking me up,” Regina says after a long silence.

“Sure.”

“You were right; I’m not sure I could have gone there alone.”

“You would have. You would have.”

 

Emma has faith in Regina, which is something that still surprises the former Evil Queen. It’s like Emma knows her better than she knows herself, sometimes. And of course, Emma is right. Regina would have gone no matter what.

 

The ride to the cemetery is too short for both women. People are already gathered at the gate, waiting for the hearse that will bring Henry’s coffin. The thought makes Regina shudder. Emma parks the car a little farther and together, hands brushing between their bodies, they walk toward the crowd. Everyone turns to face them as soon as they are noticed. Regina steels herself and puts her mask in place. Emma glances at her briefly before offering a sad little smile at Ruby, who is the first person she reaches.

 

No one speaks. There will be time for words later, once the ceremony is over. For now, the silence envelops Storybrooke. People keep arriving, and Regina sees Robin and Marian. They have left Roland with the Merry Men, it seems. Charming and Snow show up just a few minutes later, followed by Rumplestiltskin and Belle.

 

Everyone looks heartbroken.

 

Regina refuses to feel anything, but her mask slips for a fraction of second when Emma grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers.

 

In the distance, they can see the car transporting their son’s body.

 


	10. Chapter 10

She takes a step forward and turns to face the crowd gathered a few feet around the coffin. She knows each and every one of these people. Most of them were brought in this world when she enacted the curse; others when Snow did. Snow and Charming are standing beside their daughter, half a step behind her. Emma’s eyes are fixed on Regina though, as if she can see nothing else. As if there is nothing else to see. Regina’s eyes flicker to the pirate, Hook, Emma’s boyfriend. The fact still makes her nauseous. The two have been on and off for the past two years and they had been in an off phase right before the accident. Where do they stand now? Regina doesn’t know. She’s not even sure she cares. She used to, before, because of Henry. She needed to make sure that Hook didn’t have a bad influence on her son. Now, it simply doesn’t matter anymore.

 

Hook stands on Emma’s right, but it’s like his presence doesn’t even register with her. Slightly behind, Regina sees Ruby, Tinkerbell, Gold, Belle, the widow Lucas, Archie and many others.

 

People are looking at her. They’re waiting for her to talk but Regina’s throat is constricted and she can’t seem to get a word out. Once again, Regina looks at Emma and she knows she has to force the words out. Maybe what the former Evil Queen has to say doesn’t matter to anyone but she knows it means a lot to Emma.

 

Regina lets everything else fade away as she starts to talk; her brown eyes riveted on the Savior.

 

“We shouldn’t be here today. It doesn’t make sense, because this is not how life is supposed to work. There is no worse thing in the world than losing a child. Henry was everything to me. From the moment he was first put in my arms I have loved him unconditionally. I knew he would be my undoing, I knew that eventually he would be the reason that the curse broke, that he would learn the truth, but I kept him because I couldn’t bear the thought of not having him in my life. We’ve had rocky moments together, but even then my love for him did not lessen.”

 

Emma’s eyes urge her to keep going.

 

“Henry was a brilliant young man and I could not be prouder of him. I just wish you had the chance to get to know him better.”

 

Regina doesn’t really know if her words are directed at the crowd or simply to the blonde, whose eyes are now full of tears.

 

“Henry destroyed the Evil Queen. He showed me that I was capable of love; he showed me how to be alive again. Henry was the light amid the darkness in my life. I don’t quite know what is going to happen now that he’s not here anymore. I’m scared.”

 

As soon as those last words leave her mouth, Regina notices that Emma takes a small step forward but it seems that the other woman is unaware of what she just did. To Regina, it means a lot. It’s a promise that Emma will be here for her.

 

“But thanks to my son, I am no longer alone in my struggle. Henry brought me joy and happiness; he brought me a family.”

 

She sees movement in her peripheral vision and she knows that it’s Snow who just broke down in Charming’s arms. She doesn’t look at them. She remains focused on Emma.

 

“I wish I could have spent the rest of my life being a mother to Henry. I wish I would have seen him grow up and go to college, start his first job, fall in love. I wish I could have seen him get married and have children of his own. Henry once told me that I was not a villain but his mom. I believe I was both for a while, until his love for me and my love for him made me want to simply be a mother. The best mother that he could have.”

 

Emma smiles, because she understands. She understands Regina’s insecurity about her son’s love, about Henry loving Emma more when he thought Regina was nothing but a liar and a villain. Emma doesn’t resent Regina for wanting to be a better mother to Henry than she could. She smiles because she knows that Regina was the best mother Henry could have ever wished for. She smiles because she couldn’t have hoped for her baby boy to find someone who loved him more than Regina did. Regina loved— _loves_ —Henry with her whole heart and soul.

 

“I will continue to try to better myself because Henry made me want to do so. He made me realize that you can only receive love if you are open to it and willing to give love in return. My son taught me much more than I ever taught him. He was a blessing. He was everything.”

 

Her voice breaks slightly on the last word but she keeps her head up.

 

“My son… _our_ son,” she corrects while looking at Emma and gesturing toward her, “had a gift. He believed in the power of love. He believed in the magic of it. And until it is my time to go, I will miss him, and cherish his memory.”

 

She turns toward the coffin that is ready to be lowered into the ground.

 

“I love you, my little prince,” she whispers.

 

She feels a hand on the small of her back and instinctively leans back slightly. It’s Emma, of course.

 

“Henry would have loved what you just said about him.”

“Thank you.”

“I loved it. It meant a lot to me.”

 

Regina doesn’t answer. Instead, she takes a dark crimson rose, kisses it and sets it gently on the coffin. Emma does the same. They step back and, one by one, those closest to Henry approach to do the same.

 

__

 

“They’re beautiful.”

“Hmm?”

“The flowers that you chose. What are they called again?”

“Forget-me-nots.”

“Suitable name.”

“They were Henry’s favorite. Those are magical. They will never die.”

 

Emma sighs and glances over her shoulder. The last of the crowd is leaving the cemetery. She told her parents to go home to Neal and to get some rest. It’s still early in the day. She ignored Hook.

 

“You didn’t say anything,” Regina starts again.

“I’m definitely not a good speaker. Besides, I think people already know that I love Henry and that I’d do anything to have him back and be able to protect him.”

“They do. But it would have been good for you to say it out loud.”

“I just did.”

 

Regina turns to face Emma, but the Savior keeps her eyes firmly on the ground, where she can still somewhat see Henry’s coffin.

 

“Emma.”

“What?”

“Thank you for helping me through it.”

“It was a beautiful speech.”

“I don’t think—“

“Yes, you would have given that speech regardless of whether I’d been here or not. Because you didn’t say all of that to any of us, you said it to Henry.”

 

Really, how is it that Emma understands her so well?

 

“Come on, we should go back to your place and have some coffee. We’ll come back tomorrow once everything is ready for you to magic a vault here.”

 

Regina doesn’t resist when Emma’s hand once again finds its place on her back and takes her away from the hole in the ground.


	11. Chapter 11

Regina spends the days following the funeral up in Henry’s room. She sits there for hours and looks out of the window. She sees the sky, often grey these days, and the backyard in which Henry used to play.

 

Emma only checks up on her once, but she sends texts every day, asking if Regina maybe wants to talk or just have a drink with her. Regina declines every time. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see Emma, but she needs time alone to process.

 

She hasn’t touched a thing in Henry’s room. It still is exactly as he left it that day. Regina doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to move anything. This room is a sanctuary now.

 

She comes every morning and sits in silence. She lets the memories wash over her and she doesn’t stop the tears from falling.

 

She’s grieving.

 

__

 

Emma’s frustration escalates each time Regina refuses her calls or answers her texts in the negative. The apartment is too small and the atmosphere is stifling. Her parents mean well, they want to help, but Emma doesn’t want _their_ help.

 

Every morning at dawn, she leaves the apartment and goes for a run. She runs several miles until she sees the streets filling with life and only then does she go back, because she doesn’t want to deal with people’s looks of pity or sympathy.

 

She insists to go back to work two days after Henry’s funeral because she feels like she’s losing her mind doing nothing. There is an investigation that she needs to lead before it’s too late.

 

There were a few witnesses on the scene of the accident. She needs their testimonies. If she can have information about the car or the driver, she’ll be able to track it. There is no way this is going to remain unpunished.

 

Every evening after her shift ends at the station, Emma stops by the cemetery and she sits in silence in front of the vault. Regina must have come here very soon after the funeral to have done this, because it’s only on the third day that the vault has magically appeared out of nowhere. Emma has yet to go inside.

 

She comes every evening and sits in silence. She lets the memories wash over her and she doesn’t stop the tears from falling.

 

She’s grieving.

 

__

 

Soon, Emma has three witnesses swearing that the car was a deep forest green and definitely not from Storybrooke. The model of the car seemed new, although by Storybrooke’s standards, anything after 1990 is considered new.

 

People were too shocked to note the license plate, and all Emma gets is a 9 and a W, which is way too slim to be useful. Discouraged, she sighs deeply and sits back in her chair after going over the testimonies all over again with no more clues.

 

Her eyes drift to her phone on the desk. She grabs it and pushes the dial-speed button for Regina. She’s honestly surprised when the Queen picks up.

 

“Yes?”

“Regina? Hey, hi.”

“Emma. Hello.”

 

There’s an awkward pause, before Emma shakes herself and asks:

 

“Are you doing anything right now?”

“I was on my way to the grocery store.”

“Great. I’ll meet you there!”

 

She doesn’t wait for an answer because there’s no way she’s letting Regina refuse to see her once more. It’s been almost two weeks since she stopped by her place and Emma’s had enough.

 

She wants to see Regina. She _needs_ to see her.

 

Emma calls David to let him know that she’s leaving work, and he doesn’t object and says he’ll be at the station in ten minutes.

 

__

 

Regina is waiting for her in her car, as Emma parks right next to her on a rather empty parking lot. The brunette gets out of her Mercedes at the same time Emma slams the door of the bug and a few seconds later, they stand in front of each other.

 

“Hi,” she says.

“What is it that you couldn’t tell me on the phone?” Regina asks.

“I just want to see how you’re doing.”

“Couldn’t you just ask?”

“I said I wanted to _see_ , Regina. You’re shutting me out and I don’t like it.”

“Miss Swan…”

“No, listen, Regina this is difficult for both of us. You can’t push me away. It’s not fair. We need to stick together.”

“I think it’s better if you stay away from me for a while. I’m not exactly looking for company right now.”

“It’s been days since I last saw you. What could you possibly—“

“Emma, please.”

 

The Sheriff looks at Regina, confused and upset. She takes a step closer.

 

“Talk to me.”

“I can’t,” the brunette replies as her eyes drop to the ground.

“Something’s bothering you. A thought. It won’t get better if you don’t talk about it.”

“It’s… I can’t. I have to go.”

 

Regina doesn’t wait for an answer this time. She turns around and walks resolutely toward the grocery store. Emma is left staring after her, wondering what all of this is about.

 

__

 

She thinks about it all day and when she slips into her bed that night, Emma is restless. There is no way she’s going to sleep. Something is wrong with Regina. The other woman felt off, standoffish almost.

 

Emma waits ten minutes in her bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, before she throws the covers back and gets up. She is sure that Regina is not asleep. Quickly, she grabs clean clothes from her closet and gets dressed. Then she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and disappears into a cloud of white smoke.

 

__

 

She reappears on Regina’s porch. The lights are still on in the living-room and it’s not that late so Emma knocks on the door and waits. It takes Regina a minute to open the door, and Emma immediately frowns when she sees the other woman.

 

“Regina?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Are you… Have you been drinking?” Emma asks as she pushes past the older woman and walks into the house.

“No,” Regina replies easily as she closes the door.

 

Emma tilts her head and raises a disbelieving eyebrow, but Regina only shrugs and walks off to the living-room. Without another word, Emma follows. Regina is already pouring herself a drink— _another_ drink—and she also has a glass ready for Emma.

 

“I think about him all the time, you know? He’s everywhere, in this house. Sometimes I even think I can hear his footsteps. It’s driving me crazy,” Regina adds in a whisper.

 

Alcohol makes Regina lower her walls and it’s a frightening sight. The woman, always so composed, is crumbling under Emma’s eyes and the blonde is powerless. She can only nod because she does understand the feeling. Emma swallows half her bourbon and winces at the taste before she speaks.

 

“Yesterday I walked past the castle. The playground, I mean. And I had to—I had to stop walking and I sat down because I felt dizzy. I could still see him playing there. Talking to me about Operation Cobra.”

 

Regina bristles at these words and suddenly there’s a fire in her eyes that wasn’t there a moment before.

 

“You want to know what I’ve been thinking about lately? Why I’ve been trying so hard to avoid you?”

 

Suddenly, Emma isn’t sure that she wants to know anymore. Regina is now up and pacing in front of her, glass already empty, and she looks furious.

 

“I think… I think that this is all your fault! That none of this would have happened if you hadn’t come here in the first place, if you had just left us alone! You should have left when I told you to leave. If the curse hadn’t broken, Storybrooke would still be safe from the outside world! Henry would still be alive… He would still be alive…”

 

It feels like Emma has been punched in the gut. She looks at Regina, torn between anger, disbelief and grief. Of course Regina would come to this conclusion. From the very start she had believed Emma was there to take Henry from her, so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that all these years Regina had unconsciously held onto that belief. And now, Emma had succeeded. Henry was gone, and Regina was blaming her.

 

Emma stands up carefully, unsure of what Regina is going to do next. But Regina isn’t done yet, and she gets up in Emma’s face while spewing more words that the blonde wishes she didn’t have to hear.

 

“I knew something bad would happen if the curse was broken. I knew I’d lose my son, I just never expected it would happen this way! It’s your fault, Emma. Don’t you realize that?”

“I… Regina…”

 

The brunette steps back, suddenly, and she turns away from Emma.

 

“Leave.”

“We need to talk about this!”

“No. Go. Leave.”

 

She wants to protest because there is no way they’re going to argue over that, and Emma feels unjustly accused of something she’s never really had any intention of doing, but she sees Regina’s hands tremble at her sides and she knows it’s best to leave it at that for now. She swallows her own anger and simply walks out of the room. However, she can’t help but slam the door as hard as she can on her way out of the house.

 

She needs a drink, or ten.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Emma is sitting at her desk and staring pensively out of the window when she hears footsteps approaching. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She does not want to deal with anyone right now; she’s too angry with herself, with Regina, with the world.

 

A knock on her door forces her to open her eyes and she reluctantly greets her visitor.

 

“Hook. Hi.”

“Hi. Can we talk?”

 

He doesn’t wait for her answer and steps into her office, closing the door behind him. He looks as out of place as ever, in the Sheriff’s station, Emma thinks. Hook takes the chair that is on the opposite side of the desk and sits heavily on it.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks, as if the answer to that question isn’t obvious.

 

Emma doesn’t even both to reply to that and he seems to understand that he made a mistake.

 

“I’m sorry. Dumb question. It’s just… you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I have my reasons, Hook. Why are you here?”

“I came to check up on you. I barely see you, Swan. I understand that this is a hard time, but…”

“But what?” Emma snaps.

“I just want to be here for you. I want you to let me be here for you.”

“I don’t need anyone to be here for me. I just need my son. Can you give him back to me?”

 

Hook looks dejected and it’s in a semi-audible voice that he answers:

 

“No.”

“Then there is nothing you can do for me.”

“Why are you being so harsh to me? What did I do?”

 

And Emma can see in his eyes that he truly doesn’t understand. She puts both hands flat on the desk as she slowly rises and glares at him.

 

“What did you do? What did you _do_?! You brought us back here! We were _happy_ in New-York! But you! You had to come and shatter _everything_! If you had just left us alone… He’d still be here. I would still have my son. I would…”

 

Her voice breaks and Emma has to sit back down before she collapses.

 

“It’s your fault, Hook. Don’t you realize that?”

“I… Emma—“

“No. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. The fact is that we were happy and you ruined it all.”

“You can’t mean that,” he cries desperately as he extends his one hand over the desk to try and grab Emma’s.

 

The blonde stands up abruptly, away from him.

 

“Don’t. Just… Leave.”

“What? No. We need to talk about this!”

“No. We don’t. Leave. Now.”

 

There’s a menacing glint in her eyes, and a clear warning in her voice, and Hook knows better than to push. After all, Emma has magic and she can send him flying through the air if she so desires. The Sheriff can read the pirate like an open book and she knows he’s hurt but she couldn’t care less at the moment. Hook is the reason Henry is dead. He’s lucky she lets him leave in one piece.

 

__

 

Regina pushes the door of the pawnshop early that morning. She has a headache—probably a consequence of her consumption of alcohol the previous night—and it makes her even crankier than she would normally be. Belle is nowhere to be seen, but of course Gold is standing behind the counter and cleaning some artifacts. He looks up when she stops in front of him.

 

“Ah, your Majesty. What brings you here?”

“How did you deal with it? Losing your son.”

 

Rumplestiltskin’s face grows serious immediately. His relationship with Regina is volatile, and they often tried to one-up the other in the past, but in that moment, they are just two parents who each lost the most important person in their world. He walks around the counter and motions for her to follow him in the back room. They sit side by side on the small leather couch and Gold, half-turned toward Regina, starts talking.

 

“You know how hard it has been for me. You all saw me go back to my dark impulses. I almost lost Belle because of it. I lost my way. For a long time, there was only rage, and pain, and sadness. You have to be careful, Regina, or it will _consume_ you.”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through this.”

“No one is strong enough to face something like that. But we still do, because we have to. Because we owe it to them. You are not alone in your grief. You have a family now, Regina. Don’t be afraid to lean on them.”

 

The former Queen looks at him with tears in her eyes. This is the first time that Rumplestiltskin has given her advice without any malicious intent, the first time he’s ever really been true and honest with her.

 

“I’m sorry,” she manages to say.

“For what?”

“For Baelfire. I never… said anything, because I wasn’t exactly fond of him, but…”

“Thank you,” Gold interrupts gently.

 

The moment has passed now, and Regina wipes the tears from her eyes and gets up. Gold imitates her.

 

“Well, I should go.”

 

He nods silently, and they walk back into the shop, still empty at this early hour.

 

“I’ll see you around, I guess,” Regina adds before she reaches the door.

 

Gold offers a small smile that, for once, doesn’t look creepy, and then Regina is gone.

 

__

 

When Emma goes back to the apartment that night, she finds her parents sitting on the couch with her little brother playing on the carpet that Emma bought for Snow’s birthday five months ago. At the sound of the door opening, they turn to look at her.

 

“Hey,” she murmurs.

“Hi Emma,” David replies, uncertainty in his voice.

 

She winces internally because her own father has to be careful around her these days. Emma knows she hasn’t been easy to deal with. Even if she has a good reason to justify her behavior, it still pains her to realize that she hurt her parents.

 

“Can we talk?”

“Of course,” Snow says immediately, “let me just put your little brother to bed.”

 

The dark-haired woman stands up and picks up Neal from where he was sitting. Emma waves at him and he blows her a kiss before they disappear in the adjacent room.

 

“Come on, Emma, sit. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Do you have beer?” She asks as she lets herself fall on the couch.

“Something non-alcoholic to drink?” David rephrases with a slight reproach in his voice.

“Right. Just hot cocoa then, please.”

 

Five minutes later, the three adults are facing each other in the living-room. Snow is sitting in her rocking-chair while David has chosen to sit on the armchair.

 

“So, how was work?” David asks to break the uneasy silence.

“Regina blames me for Henry’s death,” Emma blurts out in response.

 

Her parents stare at her for a long moment in silence; neither of them looking particularly surprised.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Emma,” Snow finally says. “You know that.”

“I… Yeah.”

“No, I mean it. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone, anywhere. It was not your fault. The only person responsible is the driver of the car. None of this was your fault.”

“Then why would she say that?”

“Because Regina needs to blame someone, she needs to let out her anger on someone and I’m sorry that it has to be you, honey, I really am, but it doesn’t surprise me at all. Regina needs you but she doesn’t want to admit it so she pushes you away the only way she can.”

“We’ve known Regina for a long time,” David adds, “and this is how she grieves. You know what happened when she lost Daniel. Sweetheart, Regina knows it’s not your fault, but right now she’s angry as I’m sure you are, too.”

“She has a point, though. If I had just left like I was supposed to…”

“You couldn’t leave town, remember? You tried and ended up in a cell.”

“I… I should have tried more than just once.”

“Emma, please. Don’t think like that. It’s going to destroy you. You are not responsible for what happened to Henry.”

 

David gets up and walks over to the couch where Emma is sitting and he crouches in front of her and takes her hands in his.

 

“You both need time, Emma. Don’t give up on Regina, okay? We’re family. We don’t give up on each other. She’ll realize what she said and she’ll apologize, but in the meantime don’t give up on her. She needs you. And you need her too.”

 

Emma looks at their joined hands and she takes a deep, shaky breath.

 

“You’re right. It was just so unexpected and… and unfair to hear those things coming from her.”

“Give her time. We don’t all grieve the same way.”

 

Somewhere in her mind, a small voice tells her that she’s a hypocrite because she did to Hook what Regina did to her, but Emma has become good at ignoring that voice over the years.

 

“I think I’m going to sleep now.”

“Okay,” her parents say in unison.

 

Emma allows her father’s kiss on the forehead and her mother’s hug before she retreats to her bedroom. She still hasn’t found the strength to push open the door of Henry’s bedroom. She has to walk past it to get to her own room but she can’t even look at it without wanting to cry. She wonders about Henry’s room in Regina’s house.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever, sorry! Warning: Hook is in this chapter, but it's pretty much to get rid of him so...

Despite her father’s advice, Emma does not call Regina the following day or the three after that. She focuses on her work at the Sheriff’s station and reads the report of the accident over and over again. It’s a dead-end though; she knows that. The person responsible for Henry’s death will likely never be arrested.

 

It makes Emma want to scream, scream until her voice is broken and her lungs empty of oxygen.

 

__

 

Across town, Regina unlocks the door to her office. She hasn’t been back to the town hall since the accident and it took all of her willpower to get into her car this morning, but she knows it’s time. Time to get back to work, time to busy herself to forget, for a moment, that her son isn’t here anymore. He isn’t here.

 

It makes Regina want to scream, scream until her voice is broken and her lungs empty of oxygen.

 

__

 

The following week, Regina and Emma spend most of their time at their respective workplace. They see each other on one occasion, at Granny’s, but they don’t talk to each other. Emma isn’t sure if Regina is avoiding her but it wouldn’t be surprising. It hurts her, but really, what can she do? There’s no way she’ll impose her presence on Regina. She decides that she will let the older woman come to her whenever she’s ready.

 

Work proves to be quite efficient. It makes the days go by a bit faster and takes their minds off of Henry’s absence.

 

Their son is still the first and last thing they think about every day, and the pain has not lessened, but the two women try to go back to their routine. Except that their routine used to involve Henry. Driving him to and from school. Buying him dinner at Granny’s. Cooking for him. Helping with homework. Playing with him.

 

It is hell.

 

__

 

If Regina had started to open up to the citizens of Storybrooke after the last threat had been vanquished, everything changes after Henry’s death.

 

Mayor once again, Regina hides behind her cold appearance, a mask firmly in place. She avoids the places filled with people. She barely speaks to anyone unless it’s work related. She becomes even more closed off than she was before Emma came to town. Snow attempts to call, to visit, but Regina has magic and it’s impossible to reach her when she doesn’t want to be reached.

 

No one really knows what Regina does or how she feels, outside of the office.

 

__

 

Emma is more approachable—or so it seems.

 

She doesn’t hide from the public eye, but she doesn’t seek people out either. When she answers, she is polite but to the point, and she refuses to reply to dumb questions such as “how are you holding up?” because, really?

 

Even though Emma is here, physically, those around her can tell she’s miles away in her mind. It’s only when she’s on the job that Emma is absolutely focused on her task. She deals with people like she’s always done, and barely anyone could tell the difference.

 

No one really knows what Emma does or how she feels, outside of the office.

 

__

 

Emma stops by the pier on her way home from work. Hook bought a new boat a year ago and he insisted on living there. She finds him on the deck, trying to fix a compass.

 

“Hey.”

“Swan,” he says as he acknowledges her presence.

 

Hook seems cautious and she doesn’t blame him after her outburst last week. She hasn’t seen him since and they need to talk.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

He gestures toward the bench on her left, and they both sit down. Emma takes a deep breath and goes straight to the point:

 

“We’re done. It’s over. This… relationship between us. I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”

 

The pirate nods slowly, somehow not surprised to hear that.

 

“Can I ask why? I mean, why now? After all this time?”

“Because… losing Henry made me realize that we don’t have all the time in the world. I don’t want to keep living a lie, Hook. I don’t want to keep trying to convince myself that…”

“That what? Come on, Swan, I can take it.”

“That I’m in love with you.”

“You’re not.”

“I’m not.”

 

Hook looks away from her and Emma can see his blue eyes redden a little. It’s a long minute of uncomfortable silence before he speaks again.

 

“I’ll leave. As soon as I have my crew and supplies gathered, I’ll leave.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. I need to.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“For what? You don’t choose who you love. Or who you don’t, in our case.”

“You’re not angry.”

 

He sighs and gets up, facing away from her.

 

“I’ve been expecting you to ditch me for a while, you know? Even before… the accident. I think I always knew you weren’t as invested in this relationship as I was. I’m no fool. It was never me.”

“What do you mean? I care about you. I thought maybe with time—”

“A pirate has to be observant. I notice things. I knew you could never love me, Emma. But I kept trying anyway, because you made me feel good. You made me want to be good.”

“You are good. You don’t need me for that. You just… lost your way, at some point. I’ve seen you change, okay? You don’t need to be good for someone, Killian. You can be good for yourself, and that’s enough.”

 

Finally, Hook turns to look at her and even though he looks terribly pained, he still offers Emma a small smile.

 

“I’ll remember that, Swan.”

 

Emma takes that as her cue to leave.

 

She doesn’t look back. She doesn’t see him wipe his eyes.

 

She feels like she can breathe a bit easier.

 

__

 

Regina is in the midst of pouring herself a glass of Chardonnay when the doorbell rings. She startles, clearly not expecting anyone to come knocking on her door. It’s probably Snow, she thinks, already annoyed.

 

To her surprise, it’s not her former nemesis standing on her porch. It’s Marian and Roland. Regina raises her eyebrows and looks around, expecting to see Robin.

 

“He’s not here,” Marian says. “I thought you’d want to talk.”

“Talk? With you?”

 

Marian shrugs as if to say “why not?” and Regina finally looks down at Roland.

 

“Hello, Roland.”

“Hi! Can I have ice-cream, please?”

 

Regina’s heart melts and she nods, inviting them both inside. Once Roland is sitting down in front of a huge bowl of chocolate and strawberry ice-cream; Marian and Regina step into the adjacent room.

 

“He won’t be hungry tonight,” Marian starts as they look fondly at the young boy.

“Well, you won’t have to cook,” Regina answers in a light tone.

 

They watch him eat eagerly for a few seconds before Marian starts speaking, hesitantly.

 

“Regina… I know we’re not friends, but… I felt like I had to come here and talk to you. I don’t even know what to say. I am so, so sorry about Henry.”

“I know. Everybody’s sorry.”

“Roland has been talking about it. He was a baby when I… disappeared, but now? He’s almost seven and he asks questions. Robin and I, we tried to explain what happened as much as we could. Now he keeps asking about you. I wanted to bring him to you so that he could see you’re still here. That you’re… not gone.”

“What did you tell him? About my son?”

“The truth.”

 

Regina thinks briefly of Roland throwing his arms around her neck and telling her Henry’s an angel now. She closes her eyes to regain her composure.

 

“It could have been him, you know? It could very well have been Roland and I don’t know what I would have done if…”

“Well, it wasn’t your son, so don’t torture yourself by thinking like that,” Regina answers, rather harshly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t… Don’t apologize,” Regina softens immediately. “I understand.”

“Mommy I’m done!” Roland yells as he gets up from the chair and runs toward the two women.

“Did you wipe your mouth?”

“Yes!”

 

Regina watches him affectionately and Roland turns to her.

 

“Thanks Regina!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Well… We should go,” Marian declares.

“Can you wait here for a second? I’ll be right back.”

 

The Mayor disappears from the room for a couple of minutes, and she comes back with something in her hand. She kneels down in front of Roland.

 

“Here. This is for you.”

“What is it?” he asks timidly.

“It’s one of Henry’s comic books. I know you can read know. I’m sure you’re going to love it.”

 

Roland takes the Batman comics from her hand, looks at the cover and smiles widely.

 

“Thank you!”

 

Regina can’t help the tears that escape her when Roland hugs her tightly.

 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. You’re welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's always interesting to know what you think. Leave a few words if you're so inclined. Thanks!


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